Kim Possible: Sitches in History!
by MeganKoumori
Summary: Join our heroes as they would've been many years ago! T for some grownup humor in the second-to-last chapter. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

I DOOD IT!!! I finally finished this story! It may have taken forever, but it's done! Thanks for the wait!

Special Thanks to Pharaoh Rutin Tutin for being the match that lit the idea.

* * *

Prolog:

* * *

Kim Possible turned around in her seat. "Ready for the test Ron?"

Ron was folding a paper airplane. He grinned and threw it....one centimeter from his shoe.

"Arggh! I don't get it, KP!" He grabbed a piece of paper from under his elbow. "These instructions I got off the Internet are very specific! How could I not be able to make a paper airplane!"

"Ron!" Kim snapped. "The test? You did study for it, right?"

"We have a test?" Kim groaned. "Well, don't sweat it KP! I'm sure you'll do fine!"

"It's not me I'm worried about." Said Kim. "This test is twenty percent of our final grade for the semester."

Ron's face lost color. "Tw-tw-twenty percent?" He clutched his head and began to scream. _"AARRRGGHHHH! WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME!"_

"Where have you been? We've been reviewing for it all month!"

"Aw man." Ron put his head down on the desk.

"Look on the bright side, Ron." Kim tried to cheer him up. "You still have ten minutes before class begins. Maybe you could do a quick review."

"Actually Miss Possible," Mr. Barkin, who had just walked in the room, said. "That clock is inaccurate."

Ron smiled hopefully. "So I still have time to study?"

Barkin looked at his watch. "That clock is fast by oh, nine minutes."

Ron's smiled crumbled. He grabbed his history book and began to flip rapidly. "Come on! Come on! Great Americans! George Washington, Paul Revere, Henry Ford, Mickey Mouse!"

"Mickey Mouse?"

"Inventions! Cotton gin, light bulb, automobile, peanut butter!"

"Ron…"

"Don't interrupt Kim! Battles! The Battle of Bunker Hill, the Battle of Chickamauga, the Battle of the Bulge…"

"But Ron…"

"Presidents! Theodore Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, John Adams, John Adams…What? Wait. Dude, I think they made a mistake. John Adams is in here twice."

Rufus hopped up on the desk and pointed to the picture in the book. "Uh, uh, uh! Quincy!"

"Oh right, that's John _Quincy _Adams! My bad. Hey, I wonder if he was related to the first dude!" Ron shrieked. "No time to find out! I gotta…I gotta…"

"Books and notes away people," said Barkin. "Your test begins…now."


	2. Chapter 2

1: 140 Million Years Ago

* * *

The hot, red sun rose over the young Earth. An Apatosaurus pulled a clump of moist green leaves off a tree. She chewed them slowly as a herd of  
Dryosaurus trooped past, barely giving her a glance.

Just beyond them, a small gray cave lay on the horizon. The stone in front rolled away, and a caveman, no older than seventeen, came out. He dragged his knuckles in the dirt as he walked.

"Rufusaur!" He said loudly to the rodent in his pelt pocket. "NeRonderthalhungry! We hunt now! Find big juicy meal! Me want FOOD!" He hollered as he pounded his chest.

A pair of dainty feet attached to a pair of dainty ankles appeared before his line of vision. "NeRonderthal," Commanded the owner of the feet, "Stop dragging yourself in the dirt and stand up straight! You look silly!"

"NeRonderthal no have to listen to She-Woman! Me da hunter, you da little woman! You stay home and make babies! Clean cave!"

She narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

NeRonderthal's aggressive look melted from his face. "NeRonderthal mean, NeRonderthal clean cave!"

"Stop talking like that."

"Sorry, Kimaceous." He grinned sheepishly. His stomach began to growl. "Man, I'm starved."

Kimaceous swung her club over her shoulder. "Well, come on then. Let's round up some breakfast."

As the two caveteens took off to find food, NeRonderthal said, "Can we have duck? Yum yummy! My favorite vegetable, duck!"

* * *

About a mile away, two figures stood near the top of a volcano. One was a stooped blue caveman with hairy arms and bushy brows. The other was a slim green girl. She had bushy brows too.

"Witness the dawning of a new era, Shalego!" Said the blue man. "With this volcano, I shall be king of the Stone Age!"

She yawned. "Can't we get some breakfast first?"

"No!" He snapped. "Look, the magma inside is almost at the perfect temperature! With a little help, in a few hours, it should be ready to  
explode!" He mimicked the sound, sending spittle everywhere. "BWAUUUSSSHHHH!"

"So what?"

"So what?" He echoed angrily. "I'll tell you so what! We're going to make it explode early! Then I, Dr. Drakassic, will emerge as the new ruler of all!" He laughed zealously.

Shalego yawned again. "Can't you wait until it explodes on its own?"

Drakassic stomped his feet. "No! I want to be king now! Now, start heating it up! That should set it off!"

* * *

Kimaceous stood next to the lake, fishing pole in hand. She felt a tug and pulled. "Hey!" She smiled broadly. "I got one!" She turned.

NeRonderthal was laying back down on a giant rock nearby with his pet, Rufusaur. "If only there was a food that was cheesy and spicy and crunchy and meaty all at the same time." He said, his eyes on the clouds. "I got it!" NeRonderthal cried, sitting up. "I'll call it 'The Rocko!'" He and  
Rufusaur exchanged high fives. "Yaba Daba Boo-ya!"

"Earth to NeRonderthal," Said Kimaceous. "Look, I got us breakfast." She held up the squirming fish. "See? Yum…"

NeRonderthal shrieked. "That fish is alive!"

"Well, yeah. I just pulled it out of the water…"

"Get it away! Get it away!" NeRonderthal swatted the pole. Right into the lake.

Kimaceous sighed as she watched the fish swim away. "Oh NeRonderthal…"

There was a beep from Kimaceous' pelt pocket. She pulled out a small, square stone with a screen in it. "What's the Stone-Age Sitch, Wadetor?"

The chubby teen with a bone in his hair sat behind a stone computer. "Kimaceous, Dr. Drakassic and Shalego have been spotted at the top of an  
active volcano!"

"I'll bet they're up no good. Thanks Wadetor!" She signed off and stuck the tiny device in her pocket.

NeRonderthal grinned and rocked back and forth. "Isn't modern technology great, Kimaceous?"

"No time for idle chit-chat, NeRonderthal! We've got to stop Drakassic!"

Rufusaur jumped out of NeRonderthal's pocket. "Charge!" He cheered.

Kimaceous sighed and looked at the rodent. "A Sabertooth Naked Mole Rat. NeRonderthal, why couldn't you have a normal pet?"

* * *

Drakassic cackled and rubbed his hands together as Shalego heated up the magma with her plasma hands. "Looks like it's about to blow, Dr. D."

"Excellent!" He laughed. "Soon I will be the ruler of all Pangaea, his Royal Majesty King Dr. Drakassic!"

"Sorry to interrupt, your highness…" Said a voice. Drakassic and Shalego whirled around.

"Kimaceous Pressible!" He cried angrily.

NeRonderthal pulled up himself up to the volcano top, nearly losing his balance. "And don't forget her loyal sidekick!"

"What? Where?"

"Me!" NeRonderthal pointed to himself. "You know, NeRonderthal Stoppebble!"

"Eh, never heard of you."

_"What?"_ NeRonderthal shouted. "Oh come on! We must have gone over this fifty times!"

"Enough! Shalego!" Drakassic pointed. "Destroy her!"

Shalego flipped twice in the air before landing in front of Kimaceous. "I'm going to knock you into the first century!"

"Bring it!" The two girls began to exchange blows, kicking, punching and ducking.

Drakassic stood at the volcano vent. "Finally!" He laughed as it bubbled. "You're too late, Kimaceous Pressible! This volcano is going to blow no  
matter what you do! Your pathetic Middlestone and the other towns like it will be forced to crown me ruler! Me! The man who tamed a volcano to do his bidding!"

Kim blocked a punch. "Oh really? What are you going to do when it blasts in thirty seconds?" Shalego stopped fighting.

"Say what?"

Drakassic turned back to the vent. The magma was churning and lapping at the top. "Oh Snapstone." He turned. "RUN!"

As the foursome charged down the side, Shalego hollered, "You Rockhead! Didn't you think we'd be right there when it blew!"

"Well, you didn't think of it either!" Drakassic shouted back. The ground rumbled. There was an explosion.

NeRonderthal turned and looked. He screamed. So did Rufusaur. Kimaceous grabbed NeRonderthal by the back of the pelt and dragged him down the volcano. Behind them, lava poured down the slope.

Up ahead, Kimaceous spotted a slab of flat brown rock. Grabbing NeRonderthal and Shalego with one hand and Drakassic with the other, she took a flying leap and landed on the plate. The sudden impact jarred it loose and it slid down the volcano.

Kimaceous steered with her weight. "Hang on!"

_"We're all going to die!"_ Drakassic hollered as the lava began to carry the rock.

"Kimaceous!" Cried NeRonderthal. "I think this rock is getting smaller! Kimaceous!"

She turned. The stone was beginning to dissolve. NeRonderthal screamed and climbed on Drakassic.

"Hey! You…Whatever your name is! Who said you could climb on…" Seeing the impending lava, Drakassic shrieked and began to climb on Shalego.

"Hey, no touchy!"

The slab was at the bottom of the volcano now and it floated in the lava, becoming smaller and smaller as it went.

Up ahead, Kimaceous could see NeRonderthal's cave. "Shalego," She commanded. "You take Drakassic and I'll take NeRonderthal! On the count of three, we'll both jump on the cave! One…"

"Two…"

"Three!" Both girls jumped…

And landed on the roof of the cave…

Just as the rock melted into oblivion.

Drakassic wiped sweat from his brow. "That was a close one."

"No thanks to you." Sniped Shalego.

NeRonderthal was looking up at the sky. "Wow, look at all that smoke. It's covering everything, even the sun."

Kimaceous nodded. "I wonder how that's going to affect the environment."

"Environment, Shmenvironment." Said Drakassic. "Like the effect will be permanent."

Just then, a pterodactyl dropped from the sky, dead as a doornail.

Kimaceous, NeRonderthal, and Shalego all glared at Drakassic, who grinned sheepishly and shrugged.

* * *

Next: We travel to 1816 as Kimmy Shelley battles a monster! Stay tuned!


	3. Chapter 3

2: 1816, a cold, stormy night in Switzerland

* * *

The rain outside the villa pounded and howled, as if it would shatter the country home if it could.

Inside, the occupants sat in the parlor in front of a roaring fireplace, sipping cocoa and laughing merrily.

Monique Moniquemont curled herself in the corner of the sofa. "It sure is awful out there."

Kimmy Shelley and Lord ByRon nodded in agreement.

She grinned. "Do you know I like on nights like these?"

"What?"

"SSS!"

"Huh?" ByRon scratched his head.

"Super Scary Stories!" Monique almost squealed. "Come on y'all! Let's have a contest to see who can tell the scariest story! Who wants to go first?"

"Ooh me!" ByRon waved his hand frantically.

"Ok ByRon, you start!"

ByRon got up from his armchair and paced in front of the fire. Kimmy and Monique leaned forward in anticipation. "It was a dark and stormy night just like this one…" He paused.

"Go on!" Encouraged Kimmy.

"When suddenly, IT happened!"

"What? What?"

"The most terrifying thing to ever happen in the history of humanity!" ByRon grimaced dramatically. "Dreams were dashed, hopes crashed, and the world would never be the same!"

"Tell us!" Monique almost shouted. "What was it?"

"That was the night…The Naco was discontinued!" He cried. _"AGGGHHH!"_

Monique and Kimmy had identical 'Are You Kidding?' looks on their faces.

ByRon's faithful pet, Rufus, climbed out of his pocket and up to his shoulder. "Lame!" He said.

ByRon crossed his arms and frowned. "Well, I thought it was scary."

Monique turned to Kimmy on the other end of the couch. "You tell a story, Kimmy! You're so good at it!"

Kimmy blushed and put a small hand to her chest. "Oh, I'm not that good."

"Don't be so modest, Kimmy." Said ByRon, circling to the back of the couch and leaning against it. "Tell us a story."

"And make it scary!" Added Monique.

"All right…" Kimmy cleared her throat. "It was a dark and stormy night…"

* * *

The old castle looked as if it were about to fall down. Rubble and loose bricks littered the ground in front, and weeds, some as tall as a German Shepherd, waved to and fro in the storm. Lightning streaked the black sky.

Inside, a few candles flickered, dangerously close to blowing out. Working by the dimming light, a blue man in a lab coat bent over a table. A white sheet obscured his project. "Needle…" He muttered to his assistant. "Thread. Cocoa Moo."

"Cocoa Moo?" She inquired.

"Well, it's very, very cold in here!" He snapped. She shrugged and handed him the mug. He took a long drink, then wiped his mouth on his sleeve.  
"It's finished!" He laughed and put the mug on another table nearby. "My greatest work is complete! I, Dr. Drakkenstein, have created life where once there was none! _BWHAHAHAHAHAH!"_

The hunchbacked woman beside him gave a skeptical look. "Gee, if it's alive, shouldn't it, be, I dunno, moving?"

Drakkenstein crossed to the other side of the room. "Who asked you anyway, Shegor?" He groused. He pushed a few buttons on his computer. The table began to rise in the air and out through a trap door in the ceiling. "Anyway, it should only be a minute or so, then…"

The large, wooden double-doors flew open. "Give it up, Drakkenstein!"

"Kimmy Shelley?" Drakkenstein shouted. "Oh come on! Shouldn't you be fighting a vampire or something?"

"That's my friend, Wade Stoker's line of business." The petite redhead in the dress struck a defensive pose. "Now are we going to have to do this the hard way?"

Drakkenstein pointed. "Shegor! Attack!"

The raven-haired hunchback, her hands afire, jumped in front of Kimmy. "You should've stuck to love poems, Kimmy!"

"Don't you…" Kimmy grunted as she blocked Shegor's punch. "Have a bell to be ringing?"

As the two tussled, Drakkenstein watched the storm through the ceiling. "Yes, yes…Any second now…" He rubbed his hands together and laughed. "Perfect!"

Kimmy ran towards the computer. She skidded to a halt as Shegor flipped in front of her. "Uh, uh, uh! Hands off!" She taunted, trying to strike Kimmy again.

There was a loud crack as lighting hit the table above their heads. Shegor and Kimmy shielded their faces as the room flashed a blinding shade of white. Drakkenstein laughed again. "You're too late, Kimmy Shelley! My creation is finally…CREATED!"

Kimmy pulled her hands away from her face. "Creation?"

The table hissed as it lowered. "Behold!" Drakkenstein yanked away the cloth. "FrankenBebe!"

"Franken-What now?" Said Shegor.

The robot girl on the table had a yellow fifties style hairdo. A tiny mole dotted her yellow-green skin, and two oversized, metal bolts jutted out of her neck. "Tada!" Drakkenstein stood behind her. "FrankenBebe, made of Titanium, awaken!"

FrankenBebe opened her eyes. "Happy Birthday." She droned.

"And she doesn't even need a magic hat!" Drakkenstein rubbed his hands and cackled. "Finally, I'll show those smug know itedy know it alls at the university! They laughed at me! Told me that my ideas were an abomination unto nature! Well, I'll show them!"

"Wait a sec," Shegor interjected. "You just created this thing just to show up some college dweebs?"

Drakkenstein rubbed the back of his head. "Well, it has some other advantages as well."

"Such as?"

Drakkenstein grinned evilly and pointed. "FrankenBebe, destroy Kimmy Shelley once and for all!"

Kimmy gulped and backed up, holding her hands defensively. FrankenBebe groaned and tottered toward her, her arms extended.

The door flew open and Lord ByRon ran in. "Here I am, KS! Don't worry, I'll…Aughhh!" He cried as he skidded on the rainwater dripped onto the floor. Failing his arms, he fell and hit the table where Drakkenstein had placed his Cocoa Moo. The hot mug flew through the air.

"Oh no!" Said Drakkenstein. "Not my Cocoa Moo!"

FrankenBebe had Kimmy cornered. She groaned again…just as the cup hit the back of her head, spraying chocolate everywhere. Sparks flew from her body as she began to convulse, then slunk to the floor.

Drakkenstein and Shegor were already out the door. They jumped into a carriage. As the horse in front began to slowly pull away, Drakkenstein hollered, "Kimmy Shelley you might think your scary stories are all that, , but they're not!"

* * *

Next: Kim Possible may be cancelled, but our hearts will go on and on (and on and on and on and on)…Kim climbs aboard the Titanic! Next!


	4. Chapter 4

3: 1912, A cold night in the Atlantic

Note: OK, this one is a little different since it's more of a movie parody than a history parody, but it's a movie based on history, so that counts? Right? Right?

* * *

It was a freezing April night as the Titanic sped at full speed across the ocean. From the Crow's Nest, two young lovers could be seen cuddling on the giant deck. "Oh Kim DePossible Bukator," said Ron Dawson. "When I'm with you I feel like the whole world is shaking under my feet!"

Kim opened her eyes. "That's not the world shaking, Ron! That's the boat!"

"Say what?"

"Watch out!" Kim suddenly shoved Ron out of the way and vaulted…just as a giant piece of ice came crashing down.

Ron sat up from where he had hit the deck. "Ice?"

Kim panicked. "Oh no! Do you know what that means?"

"Badical!" Cried Ron. "We can get some flavored syrup-age and make Slushies!" Kim glared and Ron sank back. "I mean, oh no. The ship is sinking and we're doomed. Help, help." He grinned sheepishly.

"Out of my way, you steerage classed buffoon!" Someone shouted. Cal Drakkley roughly shoved Ron aside. He was wearing a suit and has his black hair slicked back.

"Hey!"

"Kim, my darling, why are you here?" He barked. "As your fiancé I demand…"

"Hold up!" Kim snapped. "_My_ fiancé? I don't think so! Like I'd ever marry you!"

"But I'm rich!" Protested Drakkley. "And besides I bought you that necklace! Remember?"

He turned and yelled, "She-Joy!"

His bodyguard, a woman with long black hair, came, hunched over as she carrying a large black box. Drakkley flipped the lid and pulled out a large necklace. On it was a heart shaped pendant the size of a bowling ball. "There! I may have gone through all the trouble of making She-Joy steal it for me, but it was worth it! There's nothing too good for my fiancée!" He put the necklace on her. Kim shrieked as the weight pulled her to the floor. "The famed jewel! The Spleen of the Sea!" Drakkley glared and poked Ron in the chest. "But you! You're a poor artist and could never support her! Besides, I saw her first, so _Neener-neener-neener!"_

"Fine!" Ron smiled wickedly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck. "I challenge you for the lady's hand! The weapon of choice! Cards!"

Kim was struggling to pull herself up. "Could someone get this rock off of me?"

She-Joy was smirking. "Gee Kimmy, need a lift?"

Kim glared. "Once I get this thing off, I am so throwing you overboard!"

"Overboard?" She-Joy blinked. "Oh no! We forgot! This tub is sinking!"

"You're right!" Kim finally got the necklace off. "Ron! Ron, the ship is sinking!"

Ron and Drakkley were sitting on the deck floor, holding cards. "Hey!" Ron cried. "You're cheating!"

"Am not!"

"Are too! You're trying to peek under the cards in the Go Fish pile!"

"Am not!"

Suddenly, Captain Barkin ran by in a dress. "Abandon ship! Women and women first!" He hollered and jumped over the side.

Kim tugged on Ron's arm. "Come on! We need to get a lifeboat!"

Ron sighed. "It's no good, Kim. There's only half!"

"So the number of boats was cut in half! That's still enough for…"

"No!" He shook his head. "I mean, there's only half a lifeboat!" The ship started to tilt.

Kim, Ron, Drakkley, and She-Joy began to slide. Drakkley sniffed. "She-Joy, it's been a privilege stealing with you!"

"Well," Kim put her arm through Ron's. "I guess this is goodbye…"

"Don't you do that!" Cried Ron. He grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her toward him. "Don't you say your goodbyes! Kim, you're going to go on and you're going have, like, sixty-five kids or something!"

"Excuse me?"

"You're going to die an old fart in bed, not here! Not this night!"

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better?" Kim questioned crossly.

"Winning that ticket, Kim, was the best thing that ever happened to me! It brought me to you, and I regret nothing!" Ron declared, then he paused. "You know, except not getting to draw you naked…"

"RON!"

"Ew!" Cried Drakkley as he clung to the railing.

"I so did not need that image," sniped She-Joy.

Kim pushed Ron away. "Ron, we're not going to die!"

"We're not?"

"No! All we need is something to toss overboard! To make the ship lighter so it won't sink!"

"Good idea! I vote for the buffoon!" Drakkley picked up Ron and held him over his head as if he were going to toss him overboard.

"Whoa hey! Aw, come on!" Ron cried, kicking his legs in the arm. "This never would've happened to Leo!"

"Drakkley, put him down!" Kim commanded. "I was thinking more along the lines of _that._" She gestured with her thumb toward the Spleen of the Sea, which was still sitting on deck.

"No!" Cried Drakkley. "Not the necklace! Anything but the necklace!"

Kim grabbed the chain and began to haul it to the railing. "Ron, She-Joy, help me!" Both ran to her aid and using all their strength, pulled the giant bauble up and over the side. "Oops!" Said Kim as she let go. It landed with a thunk and a splash.

"Ow! What was that for?" Barkin could be heard yelling. Suddenly the ship straightened to its original position.

"We did it!" Kim grabbed Ron and spun around. "We stopped the ship from sinking! We're saved!" Everyone cheered.

"I'm so glad we're going to live!" Said Ron. "You know this whole experience aboard the Titanic has taught me that life is short! I figure life's like a box of chocolates…"

"Say what?"

"It's full of nuts and usually the crème filled ones are all taken! But that's not the point! The point is you gotta make each day count!"

Kim smiled and snuggled against his chest. "Well said, Ron."

"Yeah…" Ron paused. "So…can I draw you naked now?"

"NO!"


	5. Chapter 5

Epilog:

* * *

The bell rang as Kim and Ron walked out of class. "Wow that was a tough test!" Said Ron. "Good thing the Ron Man's so tight with the historage, or I might've failed!" Kim groaned.

In the class, Barkin waited until the class was gone. He stood up from behind his desk to reveal a floor length dress. He began to swish the skirt and sing, "_Near…Far…WhereEVER you areeee…I believe that the heart does…"_

"Whoops, forget my lunch, Mr. Barkin!" Ron ran back in and skidded to a halt at the sight of his brawny teacher in a gown. "Mr. Barkin?"

"_Uhhhhhhh,"_ Barkin intoned. "This isn't what it looks like…"

The End.


End file.
